(sighh)

today was soo hard i cant even look at him without almost breaking into tears i dont know how im gonna manage being friends and we have tournaments tomorrow so if hes not ineligible the games and bus rides are gonna be soo horrible i tried to seem ok today but i guess according to sadies blog i didnt do as well as i hoped i hate acting sad though cuz i feel like people think i just want attention but at the same time i want him to see how upset i am. which again......brings me to something else it hurts so bad to look at him and see him looking completely fine. tonights gonna be the hardest though because we talked a lot last night but i have a feeling we wont tonight cuz were just friends so it wouldnt make sense too....(sigh) i dont know what to do and now my parents know so theyre all are you ok? but when they do that i almost cry like really bad but i hate crying in front of them so i just get mean and i hate doing that too :(